Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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