what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
