haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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