Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
