One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
