yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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