So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
