i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
