I wish I could punch you in the face.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
