Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
