Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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