put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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