What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
