the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
