i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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