if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
