it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
