Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
