um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
