i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
