Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
