If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
