He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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