so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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