I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
