you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
