I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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