Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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