What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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