im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
