I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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