ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
