i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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