I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
