I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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