i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
