too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
