I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
She's the barista slut.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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