If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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