Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
