To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
