she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
