Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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