I can text with my tongue
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
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