this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
