yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
