I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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