I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Too much gin, very little bucket
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
