You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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