So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Hippo gnu deer
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
