One girl and one boy is just not enough.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
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